Monday, April 11, 2011

Tales of Job Stupidity

This is totally what my job looked like.

It was a bright and shiny afternoon. The sun was out but I couldn’t see it because I worked indoors. So it very well could have been dark.

I was working at the chlorine/child infested waterpark. I was in charge. They gave me a clipboard so you know it was official. Everything was rocking.

We were just about to do the changing of the guards, which looks nothing like this:

I had a lifeguard who was about to start work come up to me.

Me: hey, how’s it going? Have you swiped your time card yet?

Him: yup.

Me: gone to the bathroom?

Him: yup.

Me: okay, looks like you’re ready to go.

Him: I can’t get in the water today.

Remember how I work at a waterpark? Generally there’s a lot of water there. It comes with the job. 

Me: what do you mean you can’t get in the water today?

Him: I can’t take my shirt off.

Me: Why?

Him: because I got drunk last night and fell asleep with my shoes on and people drew on me.

Me: let me see. 

 Not what it looked like.

The images that I saw were totally not appropriate for work, or home, or school and included the most graphic phalluses I’ve ever seen rendered in sharpie. 

                                                                 This is the face I made.

The moral of the story is, that job was awful and working with teenagers is about as rewarding as herding cats. Herding cats would have been more satisfying.
 Also, I made that lifeguard sit in the water with his shirt on for most of his shift. In the kiddie pool. 


  1. Next time, tell him to shower in rubbing alcohol. Sharpie washes right off... stupid frat boys are stupid. His mother could have told him that.

  2. It would also be good to have a Sham Wow on hand


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