I am just done with my first year as a post-grad and things have been crazy. The hardest part about this year has been adjusting to the school system in the UK because it is so different from my Hippie College and everything else I have ever experienced. So, here is the skinny on being here in the UK.
1. You will probably not see your professors ever.
There are way fewer contact hours between students and the professors. On average, I saw my lecturers for about 3 hours per class every week. At the Hippie College I saw lecturers about 10 hours a week. In theory, students should be spending their time in library doing their own research. But there isn't much guidance in how to do your own research and their isn't an emphasis in teaching study skills. Which brings me to my second point
2. Soft skills are not taught.
Students don't really know how to take information from the lectures and transfer them to notes and then study those notes to know the information. Guidelines are vague regarding writing guidelines, and professors will often tell students conflicting things about assignments. I haven't seen a rubric for any assignments. With the exception of one class I haven't seen a class breakdown. It seems like no one is really talking in a clear or effective way
3. Communication
Getting to talk to anyone can feel like one of two things: a giant Rube Goldberg machine made of paperwork and offices that are on opposite sides of campus, or it feels like Frodo's quest to get to the ring to Mordor. Office workers are sometime surly and sometimes act as if it is a great inconvenience to answer questions.
4. "Not my problem"
This is the weirdest one I encountered. You go into an office with a question pertaining to the things the office does, and they will tell you that it is not their problem. How weird is that? Some people say that there is a culture of laziness in parts of the UK. I'm still undecided about this.
5. You will not have assignments. You will just have tests.
Most classes will will end in a test that is 70-100% of your grade. As a non-neurotypical you can see where this might be a problem.
I'm also on tumblr now, if you're interested. diaryofnnt dot tumblr dot com.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Unconventional Therapy
I'm a little old to be in conventional therapy anymore. When I was young, we did run the gambit of regular therapy. Now I'm older, and my therapy is a little less conventional.
Movie and I recently started Brazilian Jiu-jitsu. Movie has been doing some form of ground fighting for the last couple of years, so he knows what he's doing. It was way easier for me to start something new because he was there to talk to me about it.
Wikipedia (the oracle of all knowledge) defines Jiu-Jitsu like this:
What that really amounts to on a day to day basis is me getting flattened by people who have at least 60 pounds on me.
Now here's where this gets interesting, I love it. The amount of pressure from other people moving and working on my joints feels amazing afterwards.
You know how therapists recommend weighted blankets and doing exercises that put pressure on the joints? Jui-jitsu is like that, but on steroids.
Here's how I know that these classes are good, and more importantly, safe:
Classes are small, and supervised by a black belt. Like bowling and unlike Vietnam, there are rules.
If it hurts, you tap and everything stops.
Before you start a move, everyone checks and makes sure that they are on the same page.
You can only spar with people who are more advanced than you.
The best part, if you don't want to do something, don't do it.
Boundaries are totally respected.
SeaStar and I started doing a Bosu class at our local gym.
A Bosu is essentially half of a huge exercise ball. The main focus of the class is to improve balance and build muscle.
It's like an hour of intense balance, cardio and strength building. You end up crossing the midline a whole bunch, which is supposed to be good for you.
Now I can totally do this:
I actually think that in some ways I get more out of this than I do conventional therapy. It may be because you're thrown in the mix with people who are NT. It might also be because it works more than the parts of me that are NNT. Whatever it is, I know that after practice, I feel better about myself and that's what counts.
Movie and I recently started Brazilian Jiu-jitsu. Movie has been doing some form of ground fighting for the last couple of years, so he knows what he's doing. It was way easier for me to start something new because he was there to talk to me about it.
Wikipedia (the oracle of all knowledge) defines Jiu-Jitsu like this:
Brazilian Jiu Jitsu promotes the concept that a smaller, weaker person can successfully defend against a bigger, stronger assailant by using leverage and proper technique – most notably by applying joint-locks and chokeholds to defeat the other person.
What that really amounts to on a day to day basis is me getting flattened by people who have at least 60 pounds on me.
Now here's where this gets interesting, I love it. The amount of pressure from other people moving and working on my joints feels amazing afterwards.
You know how therapists recommend weighted blankets and doing exercises that put pressure on the joints? Jui-jitsu is like that, but on steroids.
Here's how I know that these classes are good, and more importantly, safe:
Classes are small, and supervised by a black belt. Like bowling and unlike Vietnam, there are rules.
If it hurts, you tap and everything stops.
Before you start a move, everyone checks and makes sure that they are on the same page.
You can only spar with people who are more advanced than you.
The best part, if you don't want to do something, don't do it.
Boundaries are totally respected.
But this isn't the only thing that I think makes for good unconventional therapy.
A Bosu is essentially half of a huge exercise ball. The main focus of the class is to improve balance and build muscle.
It's like an hour of intense balance, cardio and strength building. You end up crossing the midline a whole bunch, which is supposed to be good for you.
Now I can totally do this:
(not)
I actually think that in some ways I get more out of this than I do conventional therapy. It may be because you're thrown in the mix with people who are NT. It might also be because it works more than the parts of me that are NNT. Whatever it is, I know that after practice, I feel better about myself and that's what counts.
Friday, May 11, 2012
Do the science to it.
Sorry, y'all, let's try this one again. I've made some edits!
One time, I was on the swim team. I learned a lot from swimming. I gained better balance and slightly better coordination from it. I also learned about the importance of the uniform.
You see, the swim team had mostly middle class and upper middle class kids from a few neighborhoods in my hometown. Most of the kids grew up together and had been friends for a long time. This being the middle school/high school years everyone dressed the same.
For the girls this meant the footwear was Ugg boots in the winter, and Old Navy or Abercrombie flip flops in the summer. For tops in was something from Abercrombie, Old Navy, American Eagle or Pacsun. The shirts usually had a tank top or cami under them. Jeans were either Abercrombie or American Eagle if you were cool and Old Navy if your parents didn't want to pay $50 per pair of jeans.
If you were super cool you had a name brand purse, like one from Juicy Couture, Dooney and Burke, or Coach. If you were less cool (your parents had better things to do) then your purse was from Walmart. Hand me downs were only cool if they were vintage, and they were never called hand me downs.
I was an uncool kid.
 |
| from whatshouldwecallme |
I didn't wear any of these things for the first couple of the years that I swam. My clothes came from Old Navy or Walmart, and that suited me fine. I thought that Ugg boots were stupid (they aren't even water proof!) I would have rather spent $50 on books or something. The purse I carried was really just an extension of my huge backpack and was totally not cool.
The Matriarch saw what was happening, (in fact she might be a wizard.) She saw that there was totally a group of girls that wouldn't talk to me despite the fact that we had known each other for two years or more.
She bought me a pair of Ugg boots when they went on sale at Christmas. She dragged me to the store to buy a pair of non-Walmart jeans. We went to Abercrombie and Fitch, which by the way, Dr. Capt. Daddy once described as bush wacking through a smelly jungle club. (It's not exactly sensory friendly.)
Exactly 100 exasperated teenaged sighs later I had what came to be known at the house as a uniform. The uniform was clothes that made me fit in rather than stand out. I had clothes that looked more or less like my peers along with a purse and boots to match. I thought The Matriarch was crazy and that this was a stupid idea. Surely we lived in a world where I would be judged by the content of my character and not on the label of my jeans.
We do not.
I wore the whole shebang one day to swim practice.
People who had not said so much as three words to me the whole time I'd been swimming were talking to me. They wanted me to have a locker next to theirs. They wanted me to swim in their lane.
It was totally weird.
People treated me differently because I was wearing different clothes. What is even weirder is that it is quantifiable.I wore my normal clothes one day to swim practice and counted the number of people who talked to me. The next day I wore the uniform and counted. More people talked to me when I wore the uniform than when I wore my sweat shirt and jeans.
The same thing remains true to this day. When I went to college, the uniform was different. I wore the same uniform Id worn in high school, and instead of fitting in I stood out more. Let me illustrate.
Paris, when we met, had shaved half of her head and wore the other half short. She wore combat boots and dresses that came from second hand shops. She didn't own a purse. We looked super different.
So our hippie campus has no less than three anarchist groups. They are super interested in taking down the man or something. Paris regularly got asked if she belonged to an anarchist group or if she would be interested in joining one.
Never once in the three years that I lived and attended hippie college did I get asked if wanted to join an anarchist group. (which is totally fine by me)
The point is that with a shaved head and combat boots Paris looked more like she belonged to an anarchist group than I did. In fact, my uniform was so wrong that often got looked at as though I was lost and had wandered onto campus by mistake.
Again, I did the science to it. I observed what people in campus wore, then bought it and wore it to class. I got the same results, more people talked to me when I wore a plaid shirt and traded my name brand purse for something less showy.
 |
| From whatshouldwecallme |
Shortly after I conducted the first experiment,I asked The Matriarch why people talked to me because I had Ugg boots.
It's because those clothes make you less scary to them. Wearing those boots makes you One Of Them. It says that you share the same interests as they do. If you are the same as they are you can't be threatening to them. I like to think that my clothes are like keys, if you have the right ones, you are accepted socially. Learning how to dress allows you to pass more or less as a NT.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Throwing rocks that create tsunamis
Several commenters on Stark Raving Mad Mommy seem to be concerned that if they attempt to teach their children how to read facial expressions, the parents might come off too strongly and their children's feelings might get hurt.
I'd like to share a story with you, if I may, that might shed some light on the subject.
When I was in elementary school, I didn't understand the social thing. I didn't get personal space, or waiting for a pause in the conversation to talk, and my personal hygiene was lacking.
This did not go over very well with the other kids.
As punishment for my out of bounds social behavior, the kids at my school found a fitting punishment for me: they threw rocks. They were never very big rocks- mostly the pea gravel from the playground.
In contrast, any kind of guidance from parents is sweet and kind by comparison.
Think about a tsunami
Most of them are caused by an earthquake in the ocean. This earthquake doesn't have to be very big; it can be fairly small. In the middle of the ocean, a tsunami isn't very big- only about a foot higher than normal sea levels. As the earthquake causes a shockwave that travels closer to shore, the wave caused by the earthquake becomes more visible as it increases in amplitude.
There are stories of Japanese fishing vessels going out to sea on a calm day and returning at night to find their villages destroyed by tsunamis they didn't even see.
This is like the social thing. NNTs are like Japanese fishermen out at sea; we can't see the tsunamis until we get close to shore again. Everyone else are like villagers; they can see the tsunami coming. Parents, teachers, psychologists, etc. are like scientists: they have the equipment to see a tsunami coming- they might even be able to teach the fishermen to use those instruments.
Now, if you don't know what a tsunami is- or what causes them- you might attribute it to God, or demons, or Cthulhu. That's where parents come in: they can tell you that it is not God or Cthulhu, but an earthquake/weird behavior that causes tsunamis/rock throwing.
Today scientists have equipment that can help detect earthquakes that cause tsunamis; they detect changes that aren't visible to the naked eye. Even with this equipment, if you were to be in the ocean above an earthquake, you might not see anything other than a small wave. But you are a scientist! You know an earthquake has occurred- your instruments say so.
Children can be incredibly cruel and mean. If you love your kid and tell them so, and just keep trying to teach them the social thing.
I almost never get that my behavior is a problem until it becomes tsunami-sized. I still sometimes don't see others' facial or body expressions unless they are tsunami-sized. I forget to use my science equipment to look for the early warning signs of other peoples happiness, sadness and anger.
As a parent, your job is to give your child the tools they need to successfully navigate the world around them. If you are doing your best to prepare your child by teaching them facial expressions, you can bet that your techniques are more kind than the techniques used by your child's peers.
I'd like to share a story with you, if I may, that might shed some light on the subject.
When I was in elementary school, I didn't understand the social thing. I didn't get personal space, or waiting for a pause in the conversation to talk, and my personal hygiene was lacking.
This did not go over very well with the other kids.
As punishment for my out of bounds social behavior, the kids at my school found a fitting punishment for me: they threw rocks. They were never very big rocks- mostly the pea gravel from the playground.
In contrast, any kind of guidance from parents is sweet and kind by comparison.
 |
| From johndavidthorntondrawing.blogspot.com |
Think about a tsunami
Most of them are caused by an earthquake in the ocean. This earthquake doesn't have to be very big; it can be fairly small. In the middle of the ocean, a tsunami isn't very big- only about a foot higher than normal sea levels. As the earthquake causes a shockwave that travels closer to shore, the wave caused by the earthquake becomes more visible as it increases in amplitude.
There are stories of Japanese fishing vessels going out to sea on a calm day and returning at night to find their villages destroyed by tsunamis they didn't even see.
This is like the social thing. NNTs are like Japanese fishermen out at sea; we can't see the tsunamis until we get close to shore again. Everyone else are like villagers; they can see the tsunami coming. Parents, teachers, psychologists, etc. are like scientists: they have the equipment to see a tsunami coming- they might even be able to teach the fishermen to use those instruments.
Now, if you don't know what a tsunami is- or what causes them- you might attribute it to God, or demons, or Cthulhu. That's where parents come in: they can tell you that it is not God or Cthulhu, but an earthquake/weird behavior that causes tsunamis/rock throwing.
Today scientists have equipment that can help detect earthquakes that cause tsunamis; they detect changes that aren't visible to the naked eye. Even with this equipment, if you were to be in the ocean above an earthquake, you might not see anything other than a small wave. But you are a scientist! You know an earthquake has occurred- your instruments say so.
Children can be incredibly cruel and mean. If you love your kid and tell them so, and just keep trying to teach them the social thing.
I almost never get that my behavior is a problem until it becomes tsunami-sized. I still sometimes don't see others' facial or body expressions unless they are tsunami-sized. I forget to use my science equipment to look for the early warning signs of other peoples happiness, sadness and anger.
As a parent, your job is to give your child the tools they need to successfully navigate the world around them. If you are doing your best to prepare your child by teaching them facial expressions, you can bet that your techniques are more kind than the techniques used by your child's peers.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
I'm still angry
There are a lot of great posts out there about teachers who made a difference. There are great stories from moms and dads about teachers, staff and administrators who are making a difference in the lives of non neurotypicals.
That's awesome, I love hearing those stories. They make my heart joyful and I'm glad to see those changes happening.
But here's the deal: I'm still angry. I graduated highschool in 2008, I graduate college this spring, but there are still things I'm angry about.
I'm angry that I had to stay in for recess and re color my rainbow because I can't draw inside the lines, four times.And when my teacher let me outside, it was less than 2 minutes before the bell rang to come back in.
I'm still angry that it took me 7 years to recover from the trauma of being in that kindergarten classroom.
I'm mad that my first teacher ever told my parents that the fear of God needed to be enstilled in me.
I'm angry that I didn't ask where the bathroom was because my teachers made me feel stupid. I held it the entire day.
I'm still mad that my teacher watched as the other kids threw rocks at me. Both my teacher and the aide did nothing.
I'm still mad that when The Matriarch came to class to help my teacher would act one way and when she was gone she'd act another.
I'm still angry that I was the only kid in the class who didn't get an award for being helpful, the teacher's favorite student got two.
I'm angry that you let the bullies sit together, right next to me, in the back of the class.
I'm still angry that bullying was such a problem that I would walk to my SeaStars class and walk her to the car so no one picked on her.
I'm still mad that I spent more time in the hall than in the classroom.
I'm still mad that my third grade teacher embarrassed me in front of the whole class because I got the lowest grade on the spelling test. She told me I should have studied. I spent hours studying.
I'm mad that the administrators said those accommodations would be difficult because the teacher would have to come in early to prepare a separate test for me.
I'm mad that the admin told me I didn't need accommodations because I got good grades.
I'm angry that the smell of elementary classrooms gives me anxiety. Before I go to Bunky's classroom, I have to take three deep breaths and remind myself that I am an adult now.
I'm still mad that I spent more time doing homework than I did sleeping.
I'm mad that my parents spent more time helping me with homework than they did sleeping.
I'm still mad that I couldn't sleep because I knew school would be awful.
I'm angry that I had a constant stomache ache from the anxiety.
I'm still mad that I let all of my teachers convince me that The Matriarch wouldnt believe me, that these things were really happening. I spent many years thinking that these things were in my head.
I'm angry that when I talk with my friends about school, they all have fond memories of it. I have memories filled with anxiety, fear and hatred.
Today, when my friends tell me that they are thinking about becoming teachers, I sometimes look at them like they eat babies. When my friends talk about their school expirences as being mostly positive, I have little to contribute. When they talk about the joy of learning in the classroom all I can think about is how I don't have a single joyful memory of learning in the classroom from elementary school. When they talk about how they loved school and learning, I think how I would have been happier if I had been left alone.
When friends talk about how teachers are underpaid and often work in harsh conditions, I agree, but here's the deal: for every awesome teacher out there making a difference in the life of a child there are two teachers and one administrator who are making life difficult.
I am very sorry that these things happened to me. I hope at some point, they stop happening at all. This life has made me who I am, for better or for worse.
That's awesome, I love hearing those stories. They make my heart joyful and I'm glad to see those changes happening.
But here's the deal: I'm still angry. I graduated highschool in 2008, I graduate college this spring, but there are still things I'm angry about.
I'm still STILL angry at these things that happened to me 15 years ago.
I'm angry that I had to stay in for recess and re color my rainbow because I can't draw inside the lines, four times.And when my teacher let me outside, it was less than 2 minutes before the bell rang to come back in.
I'm still angry that it took me 7 years to recover from the trauma of being in that kindergarten classroom.
I'm mad that my first teacher ever told my parents that the fear of God needed to be enstilled in me.
I'm angry that I didn't ask where the bathroom was because my teachers made me feel stupid. I held it the entire day.
I'm still mad that my teacher watched as the other kids threw rocks at me. Both my teacher and the aide did nothing.
I'm still mad that when The Matriarch came to class to help my teacher would act one way and when she was gone she'd act another.
I'm still angry that I was the only kid in the class who didn't get an award for being helpful, the teacher's favorite student got two.
I'm angry that you let the bullies sit together, right next to me, in the back of the class.
I'm still angry that bullying was such a problem that I would walk to my SeaStars class and walk her to the car so no one picked on her.
I'm still mad that I spent more time in the hall than in the classroom.
I'm still mad that my third grade teacher embarrassed me in front of the whole class because I got the lowest grade on the spelling test. She told me I should have studied. I spent hours studying.
I'm mad that the administrators said those accommodations would be difficult because the teacher would have to come in early to prepare a separate test for me.
I'm mad that the admin told me I didn't need accommodations because I got good grades.
I'm angry that the smell of elementary classrooms gives me anxiety. Before I go to Bunky's classroom, I have to take three deep breaths and remind myself that I am an adult now.
I'm still mad that I spent more time doing homework than I did sleeping.
I'm mad that my parents spent more time helping me with homework than they did sleeping.
I'm still mad that I couldn't sleep because I knew school would be awful.
I'm angry that I had a constant stomache ache from the anxiety.
I'm still mad that I let all of my teachers convince me that The Matriarch wouldnt believe me, that these things were really happening. I spent many years thinking that these things were in my head.
I'm angry that when I talk with my friends about school, they all have fond memories of it. I have memories filled with anxiety, fear and hatred.
Today, when my friends tell me that they are thinking about becoming teachers, I sometimes look at them like they eat babies. When my friends talk about their school expirences as being mostly positive, I have little to contribute. When they talk about the joy of learning in the classroom all I can think about is how I don't have a single joyful memory of learning in the classroom from elementary school. When they talk about how they loved school and learning, I think how I would have been happier if I had been left alone.
When friends talk about how teachers are underpaid and often work in harsh conditions, I agree, but here's the deal: for every awesome teacher out there making a difference in the life of a child there are two teachers and one administrator who are making life difficult.
I am very sorry that these things happened to me. I hope at some point, they stop happening at all. This life has made me who I am, for better or for worse.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Read this article
Friday, December 16, 2011
Womhood.
So, I've been here in Kygyzstan since the end of August. I love it here. I'm learning a lot and making friends.
Of course, there are those weird quirks that pop up whenever you travel.
The biggest one for living in Bishkek is the idea of Womhood.
Wom: a combination of the words Mom and Wife
The word Womhood, also to be used as a noun (Wom), and a verb, (Womming) came into being after Paris, and had a very long day in which we were asked multiple times why we weren't married.
It being very late at night and all of us being very very tired, Paris said,
Dudes and Dudettes, we get asked that all the time here. Most girls who are between the ages of 16-22 are married or about to get married.They think about weddings that last for many days and having a husband who will take care of them.
It's gotten so bad that I've contemplated telling blatant lies to get out of explaining why I don't have a husband and two kids.
I want really hard to respect their culture but I cannot think of something that I want less, except maybe to become a teacher.
So with this topic in mind, let's begin today's post.
I'm pretty sure I'm too "quirky" to get married. read: I'm not sleeping unless all the dresser drawers are closed and all the lights are off. I own at least 12 nail clippers because I pick at my hang nails and have a compulsive need to clip my nails. I cannot stand the sound of people sniffling in a quiet room.
We all know that NNTs are pretty awesome and unique. But it's also hard to find a partner, they usually have to be as smart as we are AND willing to be patient with the weirdness that comes along with being different.
Also dating is really freaking complicated: there is so much social stuff involved, Like smiling and stuff. I'm not super good at that.
1. Any partner I had would have to be at least part saint and part astrophysicist
2. Other qualities include: editor, social navigator, and key locater person
3. They have to be interested in some of the same things I'm interested in, including: astronomy, gender theory, philosophy through pop culture, space, social justice, literature not written by dead white dudes. They also need to bathe regularly, show up to class on time, wear clean sock and underwear, and chew with their mouth closed. This is only the start of my list.
You have to listen to the other person
and remember what they said
And like care about them and stuff
You have to like, know what they're interested in
and remember their birthday
and then remember to get them gifts
That seems exhausting to me. Like for real.
My mom is pretty much awesome. (HI MOM) I think she might be a wizard. Like actually. She had a career and stuff and then had a baby and then the baby wouldn't sleep ever.
This one time, a babysitter called her at work to come and get the baby because the baby had been crying for like the last three hours straight. So the Matriarch had to go and pick up the baby and miss work. True story.
I think The Matriarch did a pretty good job at raising me. I'm pretty self sufficient. I'm pretty good at going to school and getting stuff done.
She spend so long teaching me math and stuff it would feel really weird if I didn't do something with it, like have a career or something.
If I had a baby how would I ever raise it? My parents did a pretty bombtastic job at it that I don't think I could do any better.
Like it would probably grow up to be weirder than I am.
I also could not handle that many people wanting to touch my belly.
Among other reasons I am not fit to parent I also find the following pictures Hilarious
I like babies, babies are cute. They usually smell good. My issue is that babies are also fascinating and the temptation to use them for *harmless* social experiments is almost overwhelming.
Babies are not predictable. Babies do not sleep when they are supposed to sleep. Babies cry when they want. Babies need constant attention.
Do you know what I don't do well with? Constant change. Babies are constantly changing/in need of constant change.
I do not do well with change. Change makes me want to sit in a dark room for many hours and not leave. Change makes me cranky. Change and especially unpredictable change makes me less flexible than normal.
I am totally not responsible enough to handle being in charge of something else. Like today for example, I totally had milk that was at least a week expired, and I didn't notice until I was done with my bowl of cereal.
I submit this as evidence that I am not able to take care of another living thing.
I totally admire you Moms who can do it all. Seriously parents make my day, you do you so much.
I'm just not ready to be a mom. Like ever.
Of course, there are those weird quirks that pop up whenever you travel.
The biggest one for living in Bishkek is the idea of Womhood.
Wom: a combination of the words Mom and Wife
The word Womhood, also to be used as a noun (Wom), and a verb, (Womming) came into being after Paris, and had a very long day in which we were asked multiple times why we weren't married.
Uh obviously because books are way more interesting than husbands or partners.
It being very late at night and all of us being very very tired, Paris said,
I don't want to be a Wom.
Dudes and Dudettes, we get asked that all the time here. Most girls who are between the ages of 16-22 are married or about to get married.They think about weddings that last for many days and having a husband who will take care of them.
 |
| Count the number of wedding dresses at this soviet monument |
It's gotten so bad that I've contemplated telling blatant lies to get out of explaining why I don't have a husband and two kids.
It's like a big deal.
Like if you don't want to get married there is something wrong with you kind of big.
I want really hard to respect their culture but I cannot think of something that I want less, except maybe to become a teacher.
 |
| I want to be this powerful |
So with this topic in mind, let's begin today's post.
MARRIAGE TERRIFIES ME.
I'm pretty sure I'm too "quirky" to get married. read: I'm not sleeping unless all the dresser drawers are closed and all the lights are off. I own at least 12 nail clippers because I pick at my hang nails and have a compulsive need to clip my nails. I cannot stand the sound of people sniffling in a quiet room.
 |
| I've got mad flair, yo. |
We all know that NNTs are pretty awesome and unique. But it's also hard to find a partner, they usually have to be as smart as we are AND willing to be patient with the weirdness that comes along with being different.
Also dating is really freaking complicated: there is so much social stuff involved, Like smiling and stuff. I'm not super good at that.
Issues so far with the whole Womhood concept:
1. Any partner I had would have to be at least part saint and part astrophysicist
2. Other qualities include: editor, social navigator, and key locater person
 |
| One time, I put my keys in the fridge. |
3. They have to be interested in some of the same things I'm interested in, including: astronomy, gender theory, philosophy through pop culture, space, social justice, literature not written by dead white dudes. They also need to bathe regularly, show up to class on time, wear clean sock and underwear, and chew with their mouth closed. This is only the start of my list.
 |
| Also, they can't be a terminator |
Relationships are a ton of work.
You have to listen to the other person
and remember what they said
And like care about them and stuff
You have to like, know what they're interested in
and remember their birthday
and then remember to get them gifts
That seems exhausting to me. Like for real.
MOTHERHOOD TERRIFIES ME EVEN MORE
My mom is pretty much awesome. (HI MOM) I think she might be a wizard. Like actually. She had a career and stuff and then had a baby and then the baby wouldn't sleep ever.
This one time, a babysitter called her at work to come and get the baby because the baby had been crying for like the last three hours straight. So the Matriarch had to go and pick up the baby and miss work. True story.
I think The Matriarch did a pretty good job at raising me. I'm pretty self sufficient. I'm pretty good at going to school and getting stuff done.
She spend so long teaching me math and stuff it would feel really weird if I didn't do something with it, like have a career or something.
If I had a baby how would I ever raise it? My parents did a pretty bombtastic job at it that I don't think I could do any better.
Like it would probably grow up to be weirder than I am.
Even these points aside: Pregnancy is still scary
People say that pregnancy is beautiful. They say that it is a miracle to grow another life inside you. It scares me. When people talk about pregnancy and the miracle of it all, all I can think about is that a baby is essentially a parasite growing on the inside of me.Like a tapeworm.
I also could not handle that many people wanting to touch my belly.
Among other reasons I am not fit to parent I also find the following pictures Hilarious
I like babies, babies are cute. They usually smell good. My issue is that babies are also fascinating and the temptation to use them for *harmless* social experiments is almost overwhelming.
Do you know what I don't do well with? Constant change. Babies are constantly changing/in need of constant change.
 |
| I hate kids shows |
I do not do well with change. Change makes me want to sit in a dark room for many hours and not leave. Change makes me cranky. Change and especially unpredictable change makes me less flexible than normal.
This makes me jolly
I am totally not responsible enough to handle being in charge of something else. Like today for example, I totally had milk that was at least a week expired, and I didn't notice until I was done with my bowl of cereal.
I submit this as evidence that I am not able to take care of another living thing.
 |
| I will go and bury my head in the snow now. |
I totally admire you Moms who can do it all. Seriously parents make my day, you do you so much.
I'm just not ready to be a mom. Like ever.
I wanted to show you this awesome video that Paris showed me.
Is this video disturbing or awesome? Thoughts?
Also, y'all I'm going to be traveling to China, the US, Hong Kong, Macao and finally back to Bishkek over the next 6 weeks, so I don think I'll have time to post. I'll see you all in February.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
All hail the nerd culture.
How's y'alls November going?
Did you know that Kindle let's you download a bunch of classic books for free? Guess who has 40 new books to read?
As you know, I claim to be a nerd.
I'm also on the spectrum. I have a shinny certificate from a nice lady doctor who told me I was different.
Unfortunately I don't have a certificate for my nerddom, but that's okay I know you all will believe me.
Today I want to talk about a very special nerd who is also on the spectrum.
Have y'all seen this show called the Big Bang Theory?
It's a show about a group of super smart nerd scientists and the waitress who lives next door.
Mostly, waitress says boring blond things and some downright weird things about being from Nebraska.
BUT I DIGRESS.
The best character on the show is totally one of us.
His name is Sheldon, he is an awesome scientist.
But How Do I Know This?
Your welcome
I watched an entire season and took notes.
Sheldon is from East Texas, he graduated college at 14 and is a theoretical physicist living in California.
"I'm not insane, my mother had me tested"True story.
He has a spot that no one else can sit in.
He gets mad and no one else can sit there. Like ever. It's his spot.
He does not understand social things, sarcasm, or people in general.
He has problems with situations that are unfamiliar to him. He has a set rigid schedule. He knows he is smarter than most of his peers. He does not temper his language to social situations.
I think that theory one is possible, but theory two is the most likely. I've thought about emailing the writers and creators of the show with a list of helpful and informative links to eliminate theory number one from being a possibility.
But even without my super creeper status it seems pretty far fetched that they would have no idea about ASD. I think the only people who are super ignorant of ASD are elementary school teachers and administration.
That's a story for another post.
Here's why theory number 2 is wrong.
Sheldon is pretty self sufficient, he lives away from his parents, has a job that he gets to everyday, has friends, and feeds himself.
Off the top of my head I can't think of a single person who is in the public eye who is NNT.
The only one who comes to mind is Temple Grandin, while I'm appreciative for all that she has done gaining publicity for ASD and raising awareness, cows kind of scare me.
A Google search turns up Jett, John Travolta's son who died after having a seizure and Dan Aykroyd, who might have been kidding about being on the spectrum.
Sheldon may not be the best role model, he can be inflexible and come off as uncaring, but he has friends and a job and is mostly a functional adult. He even has a girl who is a friend starting in the 4th season. I would rather admire Sheldon for the things that he has done then think about how he could improve.
The big issue is that we aren't seen. We are invisible.
And life is hard when you're invisible. It's hard when you don't see anybody like you on TV, hear about them on the radio or read about them in books or magazines. You end up (at least I do, I obv don't speak for everyone) feeling very, very alone and like no one in the whole universe understands you. Which is why it was really refreshing to see Sheldon and have ( kind of for the first time) someone I could really relate too.
It was really nice to see someone on TV who is like me, at least a little bit.
For example, one of the other characters can't speak around women. He whispers to the other characters when there are women folk in the room.
The other characters are just as weird and nerdy and different as Sheldon. It's not as though Sheldon is the only comic relief.
Watching the show there were so many moments where I could relate to Sheldon and a couple of moments where I've said the same thing as Sheldon.
Learning to laugh at yourself makes the disability seem less serious.
Sometimes, it can feel like an all consuming monster that is going to eat my life. If you are NNT or know someone who is, you know this feeling. It is the single most awful terrifying feeling ever.
I was talking with my Mom and she mentioned that having a kid on the spectrum is hard because you never know how they're going to turn out. They might turn out to be like Sheldon, pretty happy and functional or, like so many with learning disabilities, they could end up in jail.
When I first wrote the letter to stark raving mad mommy the thing that overwhelmed me the most was the responses from moms who were just happy to know that someone with ASD had turned out okay. I think it gave people hope that maybe they could turn out okay too.
That's what's nice about the show: It's about a character who is smart, funny, has friends and has his own difficulties.
What do you all think? Are their good NNT role models out there and I've just been living under a rock this whole time?
Did you know that Kindle let's you download a bunch of classic books for free? Guess who has 40 new books to read?
As you know, I claim to be a nerd.
I'm also on the spectrum. I have a shinny certificate from a nice lady doctor who told me I was different.
Unfortunately I don't have a certificate for my nerddom, but that's okay I know you all will believe me.
 | |
| offensive/awesome? |
Today I want to talk about a very special nerd who is also on the spectrum.
 |
| You must be familiar with 90s cartoons and The Big Bang Theory to find this amusing. |
Have y'all seen this show called the Big Bang Theory?
I know you have a life so let me tell you a little bit about it.
It's a show about a group of super smart nerd scientists and the waitress who lives next door.
Mostly, waitress says boring blond things and some downright weird things about being from Nebraska.
 |
| I do not like the waitress character but maybe you do, so I won't say anything mean about her. |
BUT I DIGRESS.
The best character on the show is totally one of us.
His name is Sheldon, he is an awesome scientist.
But How Do I Know This?
I did scientific research for you.
Your welcome
I watched an entire season and took notes.
Sheldon is from East Texas, he graduated college at 14 and is a theoretical physicist living in California.
"I'm not insane, my mother had me tested"True story.
He has a spot that no one else can sit in.
He gets mad and no one else can sit there. Like ever. It's his spot.
He does not understand social things, sarcasm, or people in general.
But we already did that, for example, once I learn Finnish I'm not going to learn it again.
Here, his friend is trying to convince him to hang out with girls again.
He doesn't touch people on principal.
He loves comic books and video games.
He is super smart!!
He has problems with situations that are unfamiliar to him. He has a set rigid schedule. He knows he is smarter than most of his peers. He does not temper his language to social situations.
However, the creators of the show continue to deny that Sheldon falls anywhere on the spectrum.
BUT!!
How can this been when we have overwhelming evidence otherwise?
I have some theories.
1. The writers of the show don't know what ASDs are, they didn't have anyone to use the Google for them.
2. They didn't want to offend people who are on the spectrum because they were using what could be a serious disability as part of their comedy.
3. They are waiting to reveal that this will become a major point in future seasons.
I think that theory one is possible, but theory two is the most likely. I've thought about emailing the writers and creators of the show with a list of helpful and informative links to eliminate theory number one from being a possibility.
But even without my super creeper status it seems pretty far fetched that they would have no idea about ASD. I think the only people who are super ignorant of ASD are elementary school teachers and administration.
That's a story for another post.
Here's why theory number 2 is wrong.
Sheldon is pretty self sufficient, he lives away from his parents, has a job that he gets to everyday, has friends, and feeds himself.
 |
| SEE! Food and Friends, Functioning Adult!! |
There are very, very few NNTs visible in popular media, and even fewer that are portrayed positively.
The only one who comes to mind is Temple Grandin, while I'm appreciative for all that she has done gaining publicity for ASD and raising awareness, cows kind of scare me.
A Google search turns up Jett, John Travolta's son who died after having a seizure and Dan Aykroyd, who might have been kidding about being on the spectrum.
It doesn't really give me, or any other young person on the spectrum a whole lot of hope for role models.
Sheldon may not be the best role model, he can be inflexible and come off as uncaring, but he has friends and a job and is mostly a functional adult. He even has a girl who is a friend starting in the 4th season. I would rather admire Sheldon for the things that he has done then think about how he could improve.
I wouldn't mind if I grew up to be like Sheldon, I think that would be a pretty awesome goal.
GOODNIGHT PUNY HUMAN
The big issue is that we aren't seen. We are invisible.
And life is hard when you're invisible. It's hard when you don't see anybody like you on TV, hear about them on the radio or read about them in books or magazines. You end up (at least I do, I obv don't speak for everyone) feeling very, very alone and like no one in the whole universe understands you. Which is why it was really refreshing to see Sheldon and have ( kind of for the first time) someone I could really relate too.
It was really nice to see someone on TV who is like me, at least a little bit.
But doesn't he get laughed at by the other characters for being different, or being Other?
Yes, it's true that his weirdness is often used for comic humor.
But the show is a comedy
And the other character's weirdness is also used as comedic relief.
For example, one of the other characters can't speak around women. He whispers to the other characters when there are women folk in the room.
The other characters are just as weird and nerdy and different as Sheldon. It's not as though Sheldon is the only comic relief.
 |
| Penny the waitress really bothers me. |
I think it can be really good to learn to laugh about what makes you different, sometimes it keeps you from crying.
Watching the show there were so many moments where I could relate to Sheldon and a couple of moments where I've said the same thing as Sheldon.
Learning to laugh at yourself makes the disability seem less serious.
Sometimes, it can feel like an all consuming monster that is going to eat my life. If you are NNT or know someone who is, you know this feeling. It is the single most awful terrifying feeling ever.
Seeing anyone, even a fictional character not be bothered by the disibility is really refreshing.
I was talking with my Mom and she mentioned that having a kid on the spectrum is hard because you never know how they're going to turn out. They might turn out to be like Sheldon, pretty happy and functional or, like so many with learning disabilities, they could end up in jail.
 |
| Thanks Mom and Dad, for always being awesome! |
When I first wrote the letter to stark raving mad mommy the thing that overwhelmed me the most was the responses from moms who were just happy to know that someone with ASD had turned out okay. I think it gave people hope that maybe they could turn out okay too.
 |
| Victory is mine!! |
That's what's nice about the show: It's about a character who is smart, funny, has friends and has his own difficulties.
I would really like to see more sucess stories both fictional and non fictional.
What do you all think? Are their good NNT role models out there and I've just been living under a rock this whole time?
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Friends.
Hey Ya'll. What's up? How's life going?
It's the same old same old here. You know. Living in Kyrgyzstan.
So, in Kyrgyzstan there are these things called Marshutkas. They are like super tiny buses. And usually they are filled like clown cars. LIKE CLOWN CARS.
Which is funny, until you have to ride one.
Did I mention that I'll be here for the next 9 months?
Marshutkas, they aren't airconditioned.
So riding a marshutka is like riding a sensory overload mobile.
SENSORY OVERLOAD MOBILE
Riding a Marshutka is like riding a small sweaty crowded clown car.
So, there is that part of what I'm doing with my life. But I'm also doing other things, like learning Russian. Which is awesome. And I'm also making friends. Which is the subject of today's post.
Making friends is possibly one of the single most anxiety inducing processes ever. Possibly more anxiety inducing than an outdoor concert.
So here are some things that I have handily discovered about making friends.
There are 6.94 Billion people on Earth. There are probably only about 7 people I would willingly hang out with for more than four hours.
WHY:
NT's are weird. They find weird things meaningful, like touching each others hair, and braiding it. And talking about which Spiderman character is the best.
Wouldn't you rather talk about the number of endangered languages, or compare Starwars to modes of philosophical thought?
Because I would way rather do that.
People are kind of a lot of work. Sometimes it feels like interacting with them is job. NT's don't have a readily compatible interface. Like a Mac and PC. It feels sometimes like I need translation software.
SO a conversation usually goes,
Retranslate verbal response with body language clues to figure out what the NT ACTUALLY (because why use perfectly good words to say what you mean when you have body language and other less useful ways of communicating.)
Do you see where this becomes exhausting?
So typical friendships usually only last as long as I'm willing to put this amount of effort into them.
So what is the best way to find friends?
You know that other weird kid in class? The one spending 2/3 of their time out in the hall because they can't sit still? They are pretty much interested in being your friend, because you can't sit still either.
You know who knows how to handle weirdness? These people.You know you also might be weird. These people.
Adults who know that children are actually just tiny adults. (And treat them that way)
Adults are awesome. They use big words and are not interested in Bratz/My Little Pony/ Spider Man. They are often interested in Ancient History/Astronomy/Current Events in Central Asia. And if they are super awesome, they will talk with small NNT's about it.
And they use the big words and not look at you weird when you understand them and can use the big words too.
Clubs/ Activities with a beginning and an end and predictability and something to do with your feet.
So one of my worst nightmares is being thrown into a room with people.
All of these are important questions. I like people (sometimes) But I need a structured enviroment with predictable modes of interaction in order to feel comfortable!
This means dinner parties are out indefinately and so are cocktail parties. Any glamourous images you have of yourself with a martini glass making everyone laugh can be replaced with awkward girl with pigtails sitting in the corner.
BUT you do have to interact with people at some point. Because, they are like everywhere.
SO, why not join a club, or some other after school activity?
Why:
Glorious Predicatability!
They have a beginning and an end time. This means that I can predict when it will start. I can also predict when it will end. I know that it will end. I know that I will only have to interact with my peers until time runs out.
For Example: I swam competitivly for 7 years. My parents decided I would be less injured if I was boyant for most of the time. I knew the plan.
2:30 arrive at pool.
2:35 go into locker room
2:45 go out onto pool deck.
Spend 10 minutes on pool deck avoiding getting into pool/socializing with others.
Wait for coach to say get in the pool for the 4th time.
Get in the pool.
I knew this was the plan, every day. Every time. It was wonderful, because this was predicatable, the Weird Social Stuff was also predicatble.
For example:
Acceptable topics to talk about on the pool deck:
If I want, I can practice these conversations.
And they happen pretty much every day. In the same manner, with the
same people.
The other reason for things like this:
Activities.
The focus isn't on the Weird Social Stuff that's happening (for NNTs) The focus is on
the activity.
Activities are more goal oriented than Weird Social Things.
I am going to swim across the pool and back
I am going to learn how to make this knot
I am going to learn all of the notes to this song.
This is really different than doing the Social Thing.
Activities are handy because I can (sort of) opt out of doing the Weird Social Stuff thing
Activities also give NTs something to do too.
They sort of put everyone on the same page as to what they should do with their feet. And a level playing field is the best thing.
Friends:
I didn't really have very many friends growing up. I had my sister, I had my Mom and Dad. I had our dogs.
I did have a couple of friends at school, and at other activties but to be honest with you
Most people were so mean to me that I didn't really want to interact with them, they were scary.
I still have a lot to say about this, because having friends is super important, and I love the friends that I have. I know it seems like many NNTs don't have friends, or don't have enough friends, but that's because we need a different kind of support than the kind that comes from a conventional friendship. We need different things to help us make friends than other people. We can have happy, successful lives, they will also be filled with some kind of interaction, it might not be the typical kinds of interactions that are expected or that fufill the lives of NTs. What matters is that you find something that makes you feel safe and happy.
People are really really weird and they don't make sense, but I don't know a single person NNT or not who doesn't want at least some form of companionship. The best advice that I can think of that is the truest to me is to keep trying.
They may not seem like they're around right now, but soon you'll find them.
It's the same old same old here. You know. Living in Kyrgyzstan.
 |
| This is Kyrgyzstan |
So, in Kyrgyzstan there are these things called Marshutkas. They are like super tiny buses. And usually they are filled like clown cars. LIKE CLOWN CARS.
Which is funny, until you have to ride one.
Did I mention that I'll be here for the next 9 months?
Marshutkas, they aren't airconditioned.
So riding a marshutka is like riding a sensory overload mobile.
SENSORY OVERLOAD MOBILE
Riding a Marshutka is like riding a small sweaty crowded clown car.
So, there is that part of what I'm doing with my life. But I'm also doing other things, like learning Russian. Which is awesome. And I'm also making friends. Which is the subject of today's post.
I spent so many sleepless nights thinking about how to write this post.
Making friends is possibly one of the single most anxiety inducing processes ever. Possibly more anxiety inducing than an outdoor concert.
 |
| No Kanye. |
So here are some things that I have handily discovered about making friends.
There are 6.94 Billion people on Earth. There are probably only about 7 people I would willingly hang out with for more than four hours.
 |
| True Story |
WHY:
NT's are weird. They find weird things meaningful, like touching each others hair, and braiding it. And talking about which Spiderman character is the best.
Wouldn't you rather talk about the number of endangered languages, or compare Starwars to modes of philosophical thought?
 |
| YES. |
Because I would way rather do that.
People are kind of a lot of work. Sometimes it feels like interacting with them is job. NT's don't have a readily compatible interface. Like a Mac and PC. It feels sometimes like I need translation software.
 |
| Yes!! (from leacyclan.com) |
SO a conversation usually goes,
Think of something to say.
Think of a way to say that follows social norms so that NT's won't be offended/confused.
Wait for a response.
 |
| Life would be easier if I had the force! |
Retranslate verbal response with body language clues to figure out what the NT ACTUALLY (because why use perfectly good words to say what you mean when you have body language and other less useful ways of communicating.)
 |
| I have this thought often during social interactions |
Do you see where this becomes exhausting?
I spend most of my time doing this and the other part of my time figuring out what Weird Social Thing I've missed.
So typical friendships usually only last as long as I'm willing to put this amount of effort into them.
So what is the best way to find friends?
Other NNTs.
You know that other weird kid in class? The one spending 2/3 of their time out in the hall because they can't sit still? They are pretty much interested in being your friend, because you can't sit still either.
Side note: do they even send kids to sit out in the hall any more? Because I'm pretty sure I spent more time in the hallway than I did the classroom in kindergarden.
People who have siblings who are NNT.
You know who knows how to handle weirdness? These people.You know you also might be weird. These people.
Adults who know that children are actually just tiny adults. (And treat them that way)
Adults are awesome. They use big words and are not interested in Bratz/My Little Pony/ Spider Man. They are often interested in Ancient History/Astronomy/Current Events in Central Asia. And if they are super awesome, they will talk with small NNT's about it.
And they use the big words and not look at you weird when you understand them and can use the big words too.
Where do you find these kinds of people?
Clubs/ Activities with a beginning and an end and predictability and something to do with your feet.
 |
| Like Dance! |
Have I mentioned I love predicatable things? Because they are my favorite
So one of my worst nightmares is being thrown into a room with people.
What do I do?
Who do I talk with?
What am I supposed to do with my feet?
All of these are important questions. I like people (sometimes) But I need a structured enviroment with predictable modes of interaction in order to feel comfortable!
This means dinner parties are out indefinately and so are cocktail parties. Any glamourous images you have of yourself with a martini glass making everyone laugh can be replaced with awkward girl with pigtails sitting in the corner.
 |
| Awkward face. |
There simply isn't enough structure in these kinds of situations for me to feel safe.
BUT you do have to interact with people at some point. Because, they are like everywhere.
SO, why not join a club, or some other after school activity?
Why:
Glorious Predicatability!
 |
| Tom Cruise approves |
They have a beginning and an end time. This means that I can predict when it will start. I can also predict when it will end. I know that it will end. I know that I will only have to interact with my peers until time runs out.
For Example: I swam competitivly for 7 years. My parents decided I would be less injured if I was boyant for most of the time. I knew the plan.
2:30 arrive at pool.
2:35 go into locker room
2:45 go out onto pool deck.
Spend 10 minutes on pool deck avoiding getting into pool/socializing with others.
Wait for coach to say get in the pool for the 4th time.
Get in the pool.
I knew this was the plan, every day. Every time. It was wonderful, because this was predicatable, the Weird Social Stuff was also predicatble.
For example:
Acceptable topics to talk about on the pool deck:
How cold the water probably is
How sore you are from yesterday's workout.
How sore you will probably be from today's workout.
If I want, I can practice these conversations.
And they happen pretty much every day. In the same manner, with the
same people.
Perfect. Mostly.
The other reason for things like this:
Activities.
The focus isn't on the Weird Social Stuff that's happening (for NNTs) The focus is on
the activity.
Activities are more goal oriented than Weird Social Things.
I am going to swim across the pool and back
I am going to learn how to make this knot
I am going to learn all of the notes to this song.
This is really different than doing the Social Thing.
 |
| Although, I don't get most of the social thing. |
Talk with my peers about make up?
Find this conversation meaningless as it does not pertain to my life.
Activities are handy because I can (sort of) opt out of doing the Weird Social Stuff thing
Activities also give NTs something to do too.
They sort of put everyone on the same page as to what they should do with their feet. And a level playing field is the best thing.
Friends:
I didn't really have very many friends growing up. I had my sister, I had my Mom and Dad. I had our dogs.
I did have a couple of friends at school, and at other activties but to be honest with you
Most people were so mean to me that I didn't really want to interact with them, they were scary.
I still have a lot to say about this, because having friends is super important, and I love the friends that I have. I know it seems like many NNTs don't have friends, or don't have enough friends, but that's because we need a different kind of support than the kind that comes from a conventional friendship. We need different things to help us make friends than other people. We can have happy, successful lives, they will also be filled with some kind of interaction, it might not be the typical kinds of interactions that are expected or that fufill the lives of NTs. What matters is that you find something that makes you feel safe and happy.
People are really really weird and they don't make sense, but I don't know a single person NNT or not who doesn't want at least some form of companionship. The best advice that I can think of that is the truest to me is to keep trying.
They may not seem like they're around right now, but soon you'll find them.
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