5 Weird things about the UK eduation system.

I am just done with my first year as a post-grad and things have been crazy. The hardest part about this year has been adjusting to the school system in the UK because it is so different from my Hippie College and everything else I have ever experienced. So, here is the skinny on being here in the UK.

1. You will probably not see your professors ever.
There are way fewer contact hours between students and the professors. On average, I saw my lecturers for about 3 hours per class every week. At the Hippie College I saw lecturers about 10 hours a week. In theory, students should be spending their time in library doing their own research. But there isn't much guidance in how to do your own research and their isn't an emphasis in teaching study skills. Which brings me to my second point

2. Soft skills are not taught.
Students don't really know how to take information from the lectures and transfer them to notes and then study those notes to know the information. Guidelines are vague regarding writing guidelines, and professors will often tell students conflicting things about assignments. I haven't seen a rubric for any assignments. With the exception of one class I haven't seen a class breakdown. It seems like no one is really talking in a clear or effective way

3. Communication
Getting to talk to anyone can feel like one of two things: a giant Rube Goldberg machine made of paperwork and offices that are on opposite sides of campus, or it feels like Frodo's quest to get to the ring to Mordor. Office workers are sometime surly and sometimes act as if it is a great inconvenience to answer questions.

4. "Not my problem"
This is the weirdest one I encountered. You go into an office with a question pertaining to the things the office does, and they will tell you that it is not their problem. How weird is that? Some people say that there is a culture of laziness in parts of the UK. I'm still undecided about this.

5. You will not have assignments. You will just have tests.
Most classes will will end in a test that is 70-100% of your grade. As a non-neurotypical you can see where this might be a problem.


I'm also on tumblr now, if you're interested. diaryofnnt dot tumblr dot com.

Unconventional Therapy

I'm a little old to be in conventional therapy anymore. When I was young, we did run the gambit of regular therapy. Now I'm older, and my therapy is a little less conventional.

Movie and I recently started Brazilian Jiu-jitsu. Movie has been doing some form of ground fighting for the last couple of years, so he knows what he's doing. It was way easier for me to start something new because he was there to talk to me about it.

Wikipedia (the oracle of all knowledge) defines Jiu-Jitsu like this:

Brazilian Jiu Jitsu promotes the concept that a smaller, weaker person can successfully defend against a bigger, stronger assailant by using leverage and proper technique – most notably by applying joint-locks and chokeholds to defeat the other person.

What that really amounts to on a day to day basis is me getting flattened by people who have at least 60 pounds on me.

Now here's where this gets interesting, I love it. The amount of pressure from other people moving and working on my joints feels amazing afterwards.

You know how therapists recommend weighted blankets and doing exercises that put pressure on the joints? Jui-jitsu is like that, but on steroids.  

Here's how I know that these classes are good, and more importantly, safe:
Classes are small, and supervised by a black belt. Like bowling and unlike Vietnam, there are rules.
If it hurts, you tap and everything stops.
Before you start a move, everyone checks and makes sure that they are on the same page. 
You can only spar with people who are more advanced than you.
The best part, if you don't want to do something, don't do it.
Boundaries are totally respected.

But this isn't the only thing that I think makes for good unconventional therapy.

SeaStar and I started doing a Bosu class at our local gym.

A Bosu is essentially half of a huge exercise ball. The main focus of the class is to improve balance and build muscle.

It's like an hour of intense balance, cardio and strength building. You end up crossing the midline a whole bunch, which is supposed to be good for you. 


Now I can totally do this:

(not)

I actually think that in some ways I get more out of this than I do conventional therapy. It may be because you're thrown in the mix with people who are NT. It might also be because it works more than the parts of me that are NNT. Whatever it is, I know that after practice, I feel better about myself and that's what counts.

I'm still angry

There are a lot of great posts out there about teachers who made a difference. There are great stories from moms and dads about teachers, staff and administrators who are making a difference in the lives of non neurotypicals.

That's awesome, I love hearing those stories. They make my heart joyful and I'm glad to see those changes happening.

But here's the deal: I'm still angry. I graduated highschool in 2008, I graduate college this spring, but there are still things I'm angry about.

I'm still STILL angry at these things that happened to me 15 years ago.

I'm  angry that I had to stay in for recess and re color my rainbow because I can't draw inside the lines, four times.And when my teacher let me outside, it was less than 2 minutes before the bell rang to come back in.

I'm still angry that it took me 7 years to recover from the trauma of being in that kindergarten classroom.

I'm mad that my first teacher ever told my parents that the fear of God needed to be enstilled in me.

I'm  angry that I didn't ask where the bathroom was because my teachers made me feel stupid. I held it the entire day.

I'm still mad that my teacher watched as the other kids threw rocks at me. Both my teacher and the aide did nothing.

I'm still mad that when The Matriarch came to class to help my teacher would act one way and when she was gone she'd act another.

I'm still angry that I was the only kid in the class who didn't get an award for being helpful, the teacher's favorite student got two.

I'm angry that you let the bullies sit together, right next to me, in the back of the class. 

I'm still angry that bullying was such a problem that I would walk to my SeaStars class and walk her to the car so no one picked on her.

I'm still mad that I spent more time in the hall than in the classroom.

I'm still mad that my third grade teacher embarrassed me in front of the whole class because I got the lowest grade on the spelling test. She told me I should have studied. I spent hours studying.

I'm mad that the administrators said those accommodations would be difficult because the teacher would have to come in early to prepare a separate test for me.

I'm mad that the admin told me I didn't need accommodations because I got good grades.

I'm angry that the smell of elementary classrooms gives me anxiety. Before I go to Bunky's classroom, I have to take three deep breaths and remind myself that I am an adult now. 

I'm still mad that I spent more time doing homework than I did sleeping.

I'm mad that my parents spent more time helping me with homework than they did sleeping. 

I'm still mad that I couldn't sleep because I knew school would be awful.

I'm angry that I had a constant stomache ache from the anxiety.

I'm still mad that I let all of my teachers convince me that The Matriarch wouldnt believe me, that these things were really happening. I spent many years thinking that these things were in my head.


I'm angry that when I talk with my friends about school, they all have fond memories of it. I have memories filled with anxiety, fear and hatred. 




Today, when my friends tell me that they are thinking about becoming teachers, I sometimes look at them like they eat babies. When my friends talk about their school expirences as being mostly positive, I have little to contribute. When they talk about the joy of learning in the classroom all I can think about is how I don't have a single joyful memory of learning in the classroom from elementary school. When they talk about how they loved school and learning, I think how I would have been happier if I had been left alone.


When friends talk about how teachers are underpaid and often work in harsh conditions, I agree, but here's the deal: for every awesome teacher out there making a difference in the life of a child there are two teachers and one administrator who are making life difficult.  


I am very sorry that these things happened to me. I hope at some point, they stop happening at all. This life has made me who I am, for better or for worse.

Womhood.

So, I've been here in Kygyzstan since the end of August. I love it here. I'm learning a lot and making friends.

Of course, there are those weird quirks that pop up whenever you travel.

The biggest one for living in Bishkek is the idea of Womhood.
 


Wom: a combination of the words Mom and Wife

The word Womhood, also to be used as a noun (Wom), and a verb, (Womming) came into being after Paris, and had a very long day in which we were asked multiple times why we weren't married.

Uh obviously because books are way more interesting than husbands or partners. 

It being very late at night and all of us being very very tired, Paris said,

I don't want to be a Wom.

Dudes and Dudettes, we get asked that all the time here. Most girls who are between the ages of 16-22 are married or about to get married.They think about weddings that last for many days and having a husband who will take care of them.

Count the number of wedding dresses at this soviet monument

It's gotten so bad that I've contemplated telling blatant lies to get out of explaining why I don't have a husband and two kids.  

It's like a big deal. 

Like if you don't want to get married there is something wrong with you kind of big.

I want really hard to respect their culture but I cannot think of something that I want less, except maybe to become a teacher.

I want to be this powerful

So with this topic in mind, let's begin today's post.

MARRIAGE TERRIFIES ME.

I'm pretty sure I'm too "quirky" to get married. read: I'm not sleeping unless all the dresser drawers are closed and all the lights are off. I own at least 12 nail clippers because I pick at my hang nails and have a compulsive need to clip my nails. I cannot stand the sound of people sniffling in a quiet room.

I've got mad flair, yo.

We all know that NNTs are pretty awesome and unique. But it's also hard to find a partner, they usually have to be as smart as we are AND willing to be patient with the weirdness that comes along with being different.


Also dating is really freaking complicated: there is so much social stuff involved, Like smiling and stuff. I'm not super good at that.

Issues so far with the whole Womhood concept:

1. Any partner I had would have to be at least part saint and part astrophysicist

2. Other qualities include: editor, social navigator, and key locater person

One time, I put my keys in the fridge.

3. They have to be interested in some of the same things I'm interested in, including: astronomy, gender theory, philosophy through pop culture, space, social justice, literature not written by dead white dudes. They also need to bathe regularly, show up to class on time, wear clean sock and underwear, and chew with their mouth closed. This is only the start of my list.

Also, they can't be a terminator

Relationships are a ton of work.

You have to listen to the other person
and remember what they said

And like care about them and stuff

You have to like, know what they're interested in
and remember their birthday
and then remember to get them gifts

That seems exhausting to me. Like for real.

MOTHERHOOD TERRIFIES ME EVEN MORE

My mom is pretty much awesome. (HI MOM) I think she might be a wizard. Like actually. She had a career and stuff and then had a baby and then the baby wouldn't sleep ever.

This one time, a babysitter called her at work to come and get the baby because the baby had been crying for like the last three hours straight. So the Matriarch had to go and pick up the baby and miss work.  True story.

I think The Matriarch did a pretty good job at raising me. I'm pretty self sufficient. I'm pretty good at going to school and getting stuff done.

She spend so long teaching me math and stuff it would feel really weird if I didn't do something with it, like have a career or something.

If I had a baby how would I ever raise it? My parents did a pretty bombtastic job at it that I don't think I could do any better.

Like it would probably grow up to be weirder than I am. 

 Even these points aside: Pregnancy is still scary

People say that pregnancy is beautiful. They say that it is a miracle to grow another life inside you. It scares me. When people talk about pregnancy and the miracle of it all, all I can think about is that a baby is essentially a parasite growing on the inside of me.

Like a tapeworm. 

I also could not handle that many people wanting to touch my belly.


















Among other reasons  I am not fit to parent I also find the following pictures Hilarious

I like babies, babies are cute. They usually smell good. My issue is that babies are also fascinating and the temptation to use them for *harmless* social experiments is almost overwhelming.

Babies are not predictable. Babies do not sleep when they are supposed to sleep. Babies cry when they want. Babies need constant attention.

Do you know what I don't do well with? Constant change. Babies are constantly changing/in need of constant change.

I hate kids shows

I do not do well with change. Change makes me want to sit in a dark room for many hours and not leave. Change makes me cranky. Change and especially unpredictable change makes me less flexible than normal.

This makes me jolly

I am totally not responsible enough to handle being in charge of something else. Like today for example, I totally had milk that was at least a week expired, and I didn't notice until I was done with my bowl of cereal.
I submit this as evidence that I am not able to take care of another living thing.

I will go and bury my head in the snow now.

I totally admire you Moms who can do it all.  Seriously parents make my day, you do you so much.

I'm just not ready to be a mom. Like ever.

I wanted to show you this awesome video that Paris showed me. 

Is  this video disturbing or awesome? Thoughts?

Also, y'all I'm going to be traveling to China, the US, Hong Kong, Macao and finally back to Bishkek over the next 6 weeks, so I don think I'll have time to post. I'll see you all in February.

All hail the nerd culture.

How's y'alls November going?

Did you know that Kindle let's you download a bunch of classic books for free? Guess who has 40 new books to read?

As you know, I claim to be a nerd.

I'm also on the spectrum. I have a shinny certificate from a nice lady doctor who told me I was different.

Unfortunately I don't have a certificate for my nerddom, but that's okay I know you all will believe me.

offensive/awesome?

 

Today I want to talk about a very special nerd who is also on the spectrum.

You must be familiar with 90s cartoons and The Big Bang Theory to find this amusing.

Have y'all seen this show called the Big Bang Theory?

I know you have a life so let me tell you a little bit about it.

It's a show about a group of super smart nerd  scientists and the waitress who lives next door.

Mostly, waitress says boring blond things and some downright weird things about being from Nebraska.

I do not like the waitress character but maybe you do, so I won't say anything mean about her.

BUT I DIGRESS.


The best character on the show is totally one of us.

His name is Sheldon, he is an awesome scientist.

But How Do I Know This?

I did scientific research for you.

Your welcome

I watched an entire season and took  notes.

Sheldon is from East Texas, he graduated college at 14 and is a theoretical physicist living in California.

"I'm not insane, my mother had me tested"True story.

He has a spot that no one else can sit in.


He gets mad and no one else can sit there. Like ever. It's his spot.

He does not understand social things, sarcasm, or people in general.

But we already did that, for example, once I learn Finnish I'm not going to learn it again.

Here, his friend is trying to convince him to hang out with girls again.

He doesn't touch people on principal.

He loves comic books and video games. 

He is super smart!!

He has problems with situations that are unfamiliar to him. He has a set rigid schedule. He knows he is smarter than most of his peers. He does not temper his language to social situations.

However, the creators of the show continue to deny that Sheldon falls anywhere on the spectrum.

BUT!!

How can this been when we have overwhelming evidence otherwise?

I have some theories.

1. The writers of the show don't know what ASDs are, they didn't have anyone to use the Google for them.

2. They didn't want to offend people who are on the spectrum because they were using what could be a serious disability as part of their comedy.

3. They are waiting to reveal that this will become a major point in future seasons.

I think that theory one is possible, but theory two is the most likely. I've thought about emailing the writers and creators of the show with a list of helpful and informative links to eliminate theory number one from being a possibility.

But even without my super creeper status it seems pretty far fetched that they would have no idea about ASD. I think the only people who are super ignorant of ASD are elementary school teachers and administration.

That's a story for another post.

Here's why theory number 2 is wrong.

Sheldon is pretty self sufficient, he lives away from his parents, has a job that he gets to everyday, has friends, and feeds himself.

SEE! Food and Friends, Functioning Adult!!

There are very, very few NNTs visible in popular media, and even fewer that are portrayed positively.

Off the top of my head I can't think of a single person who is in the public eye who is NNT.

The only one who comes to mind is Temple Grandin, while I'm appreciative for all that she has done gaining publicity for ASD and raising awareness, cows kind of scare me.

A Google search turns up Jett, John Travolta's son who died after having a seizure and Dan Aykroyd, who might have been kidding about being on the spectrum.

It doesn't really give me, or any other young person on the spectrum a whole lot of  hope for role models.

Sheldon may not be the best role model, he can be inflexible and come off as uncaring, but he has friends and a job and is mostly a functional adult. He even has a girl who is a friend starting in the 4th season. I would rather admire Sheldon for the things that he has done then think about how he could improve.

I wouldn't mind if I grew up to be like Sheldon, I think that would be a pretty awesome goal.

 

GOODNIGHT PUNY HUMAN

The big issue is that we aren't seen. We are invisible.

And life is hard when you're invisible. It's hard when you don't see anybody like you on TV, hear about them on the radio or read about them in books or magazines.  You end up (at least I do, I obv don't speak for everyone) feeling very, very alone and like no one in the whole universe understands you. Which is why it was really refreshing to see Sheldon and have ( kind of for the first time)  someone I could really relate too. 

It was really nice to see someone on TV who is like me, at least a little bit.

But doesn't he get laughed at by the other characters for being different, or being Other?

Yes, it's true that his weirdness is often used for comic humor.

But the show is a comedy

And the other character's weirdness is also used as comedic relief.

For example, one of the other characters can't speak around women. He whispers to the other characters when there are women folk in the room.

The other characters are just as weird and nerdy and different as Sheldon. It's not as though Sheldon is the only comic relief.

Penny the waitress really bothers me.

I think it can be really good to learn to laugh about what makes you different, sometimes it keeps you from crying.

Watching the show there were so many moments where I could relate to Sheldon and a couple of moments where I've said the same thing as Sheldon.

Learning to laugh at yourself makes the disability seem less serious.

Sometimes, it can feel like an all consuming monster that is going to eat my life. If you are NNT or know someone who is, you know this feeling. It is the single most awful terrifying feeling ever.

Seeing anyone, even a fictional character not be bothered by the disibility is really refreshing.

I was talking with my Mom and she mentioned that having a kid on the spectrum is hard because you never know how they're going to turn out. They might turn out to be like Sheldon, pretty happy and functional or, like so many with learning disabilities, they could end up in jail.

Thanks Mom and Dad, for always being awesome!

When I first wrote the letter to stark raving mad mommy the thing that overwhelmed me the most was the responses from moms who were just happy to know that someone with ASD had turned out okay.  I think it gave people hope that maybe they could turn out okay too.

Victory is mine!!

That's what's nice about the show: It's about a character who is smart, funny, has friends and has his own difficulties.

I would really like to see more sucess stories both fictional and non fictional.

What do you all think? Are their good NNT role models out there and I've just been living under a rock this whole time?

This is not an invisible disability.

What's up there Y'all lovely NNT readers? Sorry these posts are all sporadic. You see. The internet here at the house is possessed.

Be Afraid

Sometimes I'll be all writing a blog about how much being NNT is awesome, and I'll be getting to the really profound part where I compare myself to Buffy the Vampire Slayer and then the internet will disappear.

There goes your internet...

So Then I'm all annoyed and can't remember what was so profound about Buffy the Vampire Slayer and sad that I don't remember what I was writing about.

And the internet is all

HAHAHA. We're running off with all your best ideas!

But I am going to finish this one. Promise.

I have an honest face

So I wanted to talk today about  invisibility. On my last post we talked a little about how I am not going to let this disability define me.

Today I want to talk a little bit about how weirded out by the term "invisible disability" I am.


So you see because I take these things literally I imagine that my disability is an actual entity, like an invisible person. No one else can see him but me.

But in reality, it's not like that at all. My disability is real. And it has a visible effect on my life. Most of the time it makes life harder.

It's harder for me to connect with people.

I don't always understand what they want me to do. Sometimes, people don't understand me.

I don't remember what someone wrote down on a piece of paper at work yesterday, but I can remember entire conversations that I had 3 years ago.

But my disability is very much visible. Most people just don't know to look for it.

It's true it doesn't change my appearance the same way that a broken leg, or blindness might. And it's not as obvious as Down syndrome. But the signs are still there.

After all, the doctors don't just pull a diagnosis out of thin air. (I hope)

Looks Legit

There have to be signs along the way

The main issue is that the Bubba's of the world don't really know what to look for. No one ever told them. No one ever told most people.

And that in my opinion is the fundamental problem. There isn't enough education around ASD. Most teachers and other educators don't know enough about the problem, at least they didn't when I was in elementary school. What is actually a manifestation of my disability was taken to be bad behavior, or bad parenting. In our rural town, there was no one who knew about ASD.

What is this 504 plan of which you speak?

When my parents went to get accommodations at the school for me, they were met with confusion and distrust. Administrators just wanted to dismiss the whole thing. Teachers were mistrusting of the diagnosis. You could tell that they were thinking

But she doesn't look disabled. Obviously her parents just want special treatment for her.

Other parent's just didn't get it either. They thought my Mom was just a bad Mom, you know, totally unable to discipline her child. They saw my parents as being lazy or incompetent. They saw me and my sister as being willful, or just ornery.

Like congress

I hope that now parents don't face that same discrimination, I hope that people are a little more understanding. I hope that children are a little bit more accepting.

Readers: it's been 15 years since I got my diagnosis, and at that time no one knew what the Autism Spectrum was, is it the same for you now? Do people have any idea about Autism Spectrum Disorders? What do they know about it?  I would love to know please leave me a comment!